Anonymous asked: Hi I have a friend who is a aromantic and she doesnt like it, she has been in a few relationships but once she is in one, she wants out. One minute she loves the guy but the next she hates being touched by him and wants to rip her skin off. She really likes this guy but he doesnt understand what she is going through and she is getting upset because of it. As a good friend, I want to help her. Is there something she could do to relax her feelings or not think about it in that way?
Coming out of exile to answer this, because I think it’s an important question.
I understand what she’s feeling - I’ve felt the exact same thing, being interested in someone and then as soon as they show interest in you or you get involved, the entire thing develops a bad taste.
I think, rather than getting your friend to “relax her feelings”, you should be looking at a different issue. The guy is refusing to understand what she’s going through and isn’t being accepting - whether she likes this guy or not, that’s not a great first step for a relationship. If you partner won’t stick with you when the going gets a little tough, they’re not worth much, and not attempting to understand, or at the very least, accept her feelings does not sound like a guy worth chasing.
As a good friend, you might want to discuss with her how this guy has been treating her, and seeing if they can find any common ground. A guy who is on a similar page to her will probably help her not feel as constricted by a relationship.
That’s the issue as I see it, in terms of her current relationship. If your friend wants to conquer her emotions in the long term, she’s going to need to do some introspection to see why she feels the way that she does when she gets involved with someone. For me, the feeling was because I was only infatuated with the person, and as soon as we got involved, the infatuation popped and I was left with a person I actually didn’t really care for. I mean, dogs like chasing cars, but if they ever actually caught one, they wouldn’t know what to do with it.
That’s just a suggestion, there are a million possible reasons why she responds the way she does - and she has to figure out why that is. If she understands it, then she can take steps to build a relationship that she’s comfortable with.